I am leaving on Thursday to go on a Spiritual Retreat. To me honest I'm not sure why I wanted to go. When I was asked I thought, "Yes, of course, how peaceful."
Of course I was feeling peaceful back then. Now I'm not. I'm more frantic about the future and more upset at the present.
I also haven't really prayed much recently. Of course I have said those quick and breathless lines all mothers tend to say, "Lord give me straigth". "Lord watch over her". Or "Bring me peace". And when that fails "Holy fucking hell." Does that one count? I tend to think it does.
Its been too long since I sat in silence. It has been too long since I listened. It has been too long since I have let my voice speak. It has been too long since I have spoken.
I know this is what I need. I'm just not sure how I will get back there again.