Ms. Beth Flys Away

Beth Geiger - Crusing on the Disney ship Magic

Somewhere off the coast of paradise

Bloggers meet Beth! She is the mother of two of the best friends I have ever had, Erin and Heather. She had a form of APLS that I will never understand fully in medical terms, only that, by the time I knew her well, when I was in High School, she had very little mobility and her speech was slurred. Still, she had a killer sense of humor and was one of the best moms I knew.

I say "new" because "Queen Elizabeth" passed away last Monday. It was one of those things that will always leave those who knew her wondering. What started as head trauma and a broken hip from an accidental fall, soon turned into an infection, ammonia, issues with her feeding tube, and eventually a blood clot in her lungs. In a lot of ways, it still doesn't seem real. There are people in this world that you expect to move on. Beth, despite her illness and the multiple infections she had over time, never seemed to be one that would die young.

I think its because despite her limitations, she never stopped living. She had a great sense of humor. She was truly the force that raised her daughters to be the people they are today. Even as they did so much to take care of her physical needs, she always made sure their emotional needs were met. I don't think they ever felt cheated out of a mother. Cheated out of a carefree childhood yes. But never cheated out of love.

When I got the call from Heather, that they were waiting to pull turn off the machines keeping her alive, I shared in the mixed sense of grief for the loss of a mother and relief of the loss of much worry. I wonder if Beth sensed that with both her daughters married and pregnant, it was time for her to move on.

Ms. Beth. Your absence hit home this weekend. I walked in your house and didn't see you sitting in front of the glass door while you typed your letters. I know your family talked of you dancing now in the sky. Maybe its because I never knew the walking Beth, but I picture you sitting, just off to the side, laughing and throwing out those zingers that always caught the world off guard.

Ms. Beth. I'm glad I knew you.

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

by Mary Oliver

published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver

Greening the Office

Main Ceremonial House

Polyensiane Resort,

Walt Disney World 2008

So Hines (the owners of the building my office is in) have decided to go green. Yeah!

The good thing about this is that they are recycling two things that have been hard for me to get ride of at home ... aluminum cans and plastic bottles. While that is good for me and my house, I am still wondering what that helps here at the office. Why? Because there are not a lot of bottles of water and canned drinks floating around this place. Every floor has a fountain drink machine. In our firm you can find almost any kind of soda you could imagine. That means most thinking people don't bother with bring canned drinks from home. There is no need for bottled water.

Another recent change has been going from plastic forks, knives and spoons to compostable ones. That's a great step in the right direction. But so far, I have not seen a compost bin anywhere. I don't think it helps to have compostable cutlery if it is just going to end up in a plastic trash bag in a landfill.

I am really starting to think that there is some kind tax break for offering these things. Here are some green ideas, that might actually be useful...

1) have reusable glasses and mugs available in the coffee bars.
2) have a compost bin in the lunch room.
3) turn up the A/C we won't need to wear jackets and sweaters in July.

The last few days have been a blur. I look back and wonder how the world could have possible changed that much in one week. I'm not sure I'm ready to write about that yet though. So, in the mean time, an Alex story.

This happened when we were driving on the frontage road of the Beltway. As we passed under an over pass, I changed lanes to avoid a bicyclist. Out of the silence I heard...

Alex:EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
Me: What?
Alex: nothing....
........... I just had a thought in my head.
Me: oh.
Alex: Do you whant me to tell you it?
Me: OK.
Alex: I was just thinking. What if that guy got hit by a car and his guts spewed everywhere? That would be really gross!
Me: Yes. Yes it would.

A Mother's Prayer

I am leaving on Thursday to go on a Spiritual Retreat. To me honest I'm not sure why I wanted to go. When I was asked I thought, "Yes, of course, how peaceful."

Of course I was feeling peaceful back then. Now I'm not. I'm more frantic about the future and more upset at the present.

I also haven't really prayed much recently. Of course I have said those quick and breathless lines all mothers tend to say, "Lord give me straigth". "Lord watch over her". Or "Bring me peace". And when that fails "Holy fucking hell." Does that one count? I tend to think it does.

Its been too long since I sat in silence. It has been too long since I listened. It has been too long since I have let my voice speak. It has been too long since I have spoken.

I know this is what I need. I'm just not sure how I will get back there again.

Magical Stillness

Fire Station
Main Street, USA
Walt Disney World 2008

There were moments on this last trip, that I looked around and it seemed we had the Magic Kingdom to ourselves. There is something magical about seeing the streets empty. On any normal day, when it wasn't past closing, those benches would be covered with hot, tired bodies. The streets would be littered with tourists trying to decided where to go, or quing up for the next parade. It isn't often that the World is still. It is in these moments that it almost seems real. Maybe there really is a place where dreams come true.

Morning Mother

I had breakfest in bed today. My daughter came in with Coco Krispies, and a glass of milk carried on a Care Bear TV tray. The one I used growing up. Still in her pjs she jumped into my bed, snuggled under the covers and giggled at her cleverness. While I ate I thought: "Engrave this on my heart: my daughter spoiling me with her love."

That Darn Dog.

Have you ever seen a dog and wanted to take him home? Wanted to rescue him from a fate worse than death? Well, I had that issue this week.

Honestly I don't know if it was the fact it was pouring down rain. Maybe it was the fact I saw him almost get hit by two cars and a bus. Whatever the reason I put a soaking wet dog in the back of my car Tuesday morning and instead of catching the bus to work, I drove back to my apartment and put the dog in the bathroom.

After a change of clothes (because now I was soaked too) I went to work. Distracted I spent most of the day heroically trying to find the dog's owners. No luck. On our way home Alex and I stopped and got the dog a collar and a leash. $17 from Pets Mart. That hurt. I was being to doubt.

Once home we got the collar on him and took him and Gryffindor for a walk. I didn't know what he was, but I knew he was a hyper tarrier. I also knew he was too big for my place. Not to mention that Gryffindor wasn't a fan. A much bigger dog had invaded his space. Wrestled him to the ground. Ate out of his food bowl. It was clear I couldn't keep this dog.

I called Alex's grandmother, Pam. She is a saint with a big backyard and agreed to let him stay the night.

Alex's great grandmother Joy was excited. "Oh, hell, just what we need, another damn dog!" I believe those were her exact words.

Anyway yesterday I left work early, got the dog and Alex and headed for CAP, a near by shelter.

Side bar: Last month I wrote a Sunday School lesson on the Noah's ark theme.
Kids made various food items that Noah would have eaten. And to do something
fun, they made dog biscuits to donate to CAP. The Kids loved it. This week they
are bringing dog and cat food to donate to CAP as well. This irony is not lost
on me.

So, here I am outside the shelter, waiting for the crying women inside to just hurry up and turn over her Yorkie when the rescue angels arrive. Two women, there to foster some dogs that were abandoned outside of CAP earlier that day. As the minutes tick by and I listen as they tell me to not take the dog to CAP, but to keep it until I find the owner, I began to sympathize with the person who abandoned the dogs earlier.

So I say, "I'm not keeping him, but if you want to, be my guest. I agree he has an owner, it's clear by how well behaved and groomed he is."

Neither one of them can, at least not tonight. Figures.

Finally I get to talk with the CAP person who checks, but finds no microchip. I fill out the paperwork while they flip through their big book of "lost" reports. They find a dog that looks kind of like the one I have. Great! The owner! This is perfect!

We call the owner who says "I'm at a function for one of my kids right now, but let me call my husband and see where he is. I'll call you right back."

She hangs up before I can tell her that my daughter, who is standing right next to me, is missing Karate because of her dog. I am out $17 and an hour of personal time because of her dog. I'm not pleased. She called back and said her husband was on his way. So we all wait around and bad the women to kill the time. I guess the wacko rescue angels start to grow on me a little. Yes... a little.

The husband arrives with one of his daughter's. The dog is theirs. They are happy we found him. He gave me $20 to cover the cost of the collar and leash. I'm happy. They take the dog into CAP and get him micro chip. The rescue angels are happy. Everyone is happy. Well, Alex is still depressed about it.

"Its like you said, Alex, Charlie and Lola. That worked out for the best right? And Lola was happy in the end."

"It was nothing like that mom. It was a rabbit and it belonged to a boy, not a girl."

I'm sure the emotional wounds will heal soon enough.

Back from Disney

P8300094, 2. EPCOT Center 1986, 3. Monster's Inc. Laugh Floor, 4. IMG_1574, 5. La Cellier, 6. Cuteness!, 7. Japan?, 8. castle, 9. Hollywood Boulevard, 10. Disney - Mt. Everest Peaks, 11. Boo To You Parade, 12. Haunted Mansion at Night


I haven't had a chance to up load my Disney photos so I made a Flicker mosaic by answering the following questions:

1. Where did you stay? Polynesian
2. What was the first thing you rode? Space Ship Earth
3. What was the last thing you rode? Monster's Inc. Laugh Floor
4. What was a new think you tried? We ate at the Garden Grill
5. What was your favorite restaurant? La Cellier
6. Who was your favorite character to meet? Chip and Dale
7. What was your favorite Theme Park? Epcot
7. What was your second favorite? Magic Kingdom
8. Third favorite? Disney's Hollywood Studios
9. Fourth favorite? Disney's Animal Kingdom
10. What was the best parade? Boo Too You
11. What was the most magical ride experience? Riding Haunted Mansion during the Halloween party