My best friend's In-Laws are in town. They are staying with her while they remodel her kitchen. Or to put it another way, her In-laws have been living with her for a month and they have destroyed her kitchen. I buy chocolate chip cookies and wine and set off to console the desperate.
After 10 minutes of driving I am in the heart of my friend's neighborhood at the corner of Drug Dealer's Paradise and Working Girl Central. My tire blows. Not only do I hear it and feel it blow, but a nice lady who just happens to work the corner knocks on my window, "You have a flat!" I sigh and pull into the nearest parking lot which happens to have not only Korean grocery store and Mexican eatery, but a message parlor with tented windows as well. Great.
I think: "Right, well it can't be that hard to change a tire." I open the trunk and find a screwdriver, jumper cables, shoes, lawn chair, large amount of plastic swords, two teddy bears, Cheeze Nips, water gun and underneath it all, a tire bolted down, which I cannot budge. I go back to the front of the car to try to will the tire to change itself. A pickup truck pulls into the lot and I wave frantically. The nice man stops and asks me if I need any help. As it so happens, yes I'm desperate, and the man sets about freeing the tire and jack from the trunk. It is at this point I realize that his knuckles spell out "K-I-L-L". I take a deep breath and look at his girlfriend who is still sitting in the truck. As a ponder the wisdom of this situation the man continues on with the job in hand. It takes him about five minutes. My tire has a lengthy gash in it. He pours scorn over my spare and implies I will die horribly if I attempt to drive on it as is. He says he will go straight to a gas station to put air in my spare.
As he throws the donut into the bed of his truck the girl friend in the front cab is having a hissy fit. I suspect she does not like me and these suspicions are confirmed when he forces her to stay with me while he redeems the tire. I extend my hand to the designated-bodyguard-girlfriend as she gets out of the truck. As I am introducing myself my eyes are involuntarily drawn to her breast which are slightly covered by a neon green tank top which reads, "Light Up the Nite!" in pink glitter. It turns out Chloe is a women of few words. Neither of us is good at small talk so we sit in silence and wait for her boyfriend to return. By now, the poor guy is dripping in sweat. It has been another 100 degree day and he has been fiddling with my tire for close to 30 minutes. He wastes no time finishing the job and refuses my offer of all the cash in my wallet. I shake his hand and thank Chloe for lending him to me. I do not think she likes me. They drive away. I open the chocolate chip cookies.