Wednesday, July 22

I read a lot...

... its true, I do. Now, there are several reasons why I do this. I enjoying reading. I find my life is structured as such that I have long stretches of time when reading seems like the only logical thing to do (especially since I don't own an ipod, iphone or any other modern time wasting devices). I also have to admit that I am addicted. Slightly. I am addicted to reading. When I'm not reading books I read blog posts and message boards. When I do stare out the window, I start reading signs. But more than just being addicted to the act of reading, I have been seduced by the idea of it. The promise that it holds. If one could just read everything ever written, one could acquire all knowledge. If I can just read the right books fast enough, I will know everything before I die. Its a very addicting idea isn't it? To know everything.

It is an addiction I have fought almost my entire life. At some point one does have to stop and realize that it's not going to happened. I always know this of course. Deep down I know that I will never know everything. There is a mountain of things the size of Everest that I can't possibly ever fully understand. Its always sobering to realize just how true that is. That part of my journey to understanding is understanding that the more I learn the less I know.

I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was looking for the answer to a question. There was something that I desperately wanted to know. I knew the answer wasn't in any of the books I had ever read. So I was looking for a new one. But every book I picked up was one that I had already read. Different people tried to hand me different books, but I already knew they weren't the right ones. They didn't have the right answers. And then I knew that I had to just stop. I had to stop wondering, stop questioning and just go forward. I just stopped talking to everyone and started to walk off.

Then I woke up. I woke up before I found out where it was that I was walking to. I just know what direction I was going in.

(Not quiet as prophetic as I would like, but there you are...)

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