I have to say that something I find frustrating is the idea that there is a moment when a person is called to do something. Even if it isn't a lighting bolt there is suppose to be a divine whisper or a specific mentor or moment when the final piece of a thousand piece puzzle lands in just the right place. I don't feel "called" into ministry. I feel drawn.
Perhaps it is just semantics, but to me the words are different. I don't think I am fulfilling a call as much as I am continuing a journey to discover what it means to not just believe in God, but to love God, to travel with God, to see the world as God has created it.
I don’t know how to look at God. I don’t know where to look. I don’t know what to look for. It is God in us that loves God. And all we can do is get ourselves out of the way. It is the Spirit in me that recognizes the Spirit. It is the body of Jesus that I am that loves Jesus. The eyes that can accept God in me and the eyes that can accept God in you are the same set of eyes. That is how all self love and other love is finally one love and from the same Source. How we do one is how we do the other.
The more I have wrapped my mind around this idea, the more I have felt drawn into ministry. In speaking was a pastor about telling my call story I was advised not to focus on the "why", but to just explain the "how", but for me I think the two are inseparable. I have been drawn towards ministry as I have come to see God inside of me and inside of others.