"If you are simply calling to improve your day - press 9"
Yes, that was actually the menu option right before "If you would like to speak to our operator - press 0" when I called my local cabel provider about transfering my service from apartment 5 to apartment 14. They were very happy to help and once I talked to an actual human being the whole thing took like two seconds. Oh, there is going to be a $25 transfer fee for that by the way. For a split second I almost told the lady never mind, I'd like to just cancel my service, but I didn't.
God bless America.