Wednesday, June 1

Tomorrow we are leaving...

Tomorrow we are leaving for Walt Disney World AND tomorrow is also my 29th birthday. Although I think I reached a point several birthdays ago where turning a year older wasn't a socially acceptable thing to celebrate, I've relished in them. However, I have to say that this birthday in particular is the one I haven't been running towards with open arms. There is nothing even remotely redeeming about turning 29; it doesn't come with special privileges, and there isn't even a "turning 29" section in the birthday section at Hallmark. It's totally forgettable, and the only purpose it serves it to remind me that I'm still not even 30.

I guess I'm scared more than anything, not of getting old, but of what could possibly happen to me in this 29th year. I honestly thought my life couldn't get any more hectic than when I was 27, and then I turned 28 and all HELL broke loose: Alex went to middle school, I lost my job and started working for French people, I started hanging out with a guy, I've been accepted into seminary, moved upstairs, AND taught my daughter how to take a shower daily. You could say I'm a bit fatigued.

It's also weird because I've always been the youngest person in any group. I'm the youngest of three children, I was always one of the youngest people in my class at school, I'm always the youngest parent among Alex's friends, and I've always kept much older friends. Now this is all starting to change, and I'm the granny in the group. I find that when I tell a kid in college my age they sort of shudder with this look in their eyes, like, my god, this woman is ANCIENT, she actually remembers what it was like to be alive in the 80s! At church when I mingle with parents my age, their children are potty training. When I talk about my daughter's ipod downloads and ask for opinions on cellphone usage and study habits, all I get are blank stares. Really, it was almost better when people my age had no children.

I've decided that for my birthday I'm going to ask for things I know I can't have so that I won't be disappointed when I actually don't get them. Had I learned this trick at the age of five life would have been a much more enjoyable.

This list includes:

1. A vase of fresh flowers that won't die.

2. A brand new ibook.

3. A two and a half hour 3-D movie that contains nothing more than footage of  Anderson Cooper reporting live from war-torn countries dressed in Prada and looking at the camera with those bright blue eyes.

4. A never ending pan of chocolate chip cookies that will not make me fat.

5. That my daughter will stop grunting and rolling her eyes at me.

6. Fresh, minty clean breath (and farts) for my dog.

7. A promise from God or Allah or whoever is in charge that this trip to Disney World where I spend six nights sharing a hotel room with both my mom AND my dad is not going to totally suck.

8. A functioning national public school system where the curriculum is set by educators and not self-serving political hacks.

9. Three fiery meteors hitting the earth, one on the headquarters of FOX NEWS, one on the headquarters of AT&T Wireless, and one on the head of Texas Governor Rick Perry. (Rick Perry is the devil, which should be obvious from his hair.)

10. Free health care for everyone.

1 comment:

The Bug said...

Oh your list made me laugh out loud (good thing my boss isn't here). I need to come up with such a list - I will call it my un-bucket list. :)

Hey - I'm 18 years older than you - you really could be my daughter! How's that for old?