Where my mind is wondering

It was recently pointed out to me that I haven't posted in over a year. I'm not sure why. A lot has happened, and a lot hasn't changed. I have nothing of note to say at the moment, just random offerings, but I think it gives you an idea of where my head is right now.

German theological vocab word of the day: Sitz Im Laben. This is a phrase the German theologians used to shift the focus of reading the bible from a historical reading point of view to that of reading legend. So we aren't looking for the "What is happening in this bible story?" as much as we are looking for the sitz im laben - "Why is this story being told?" An important distinction to make I think. 

-I have just saved you about 100 pages of reading and hours of class lectures... you're welcome.

Random Quote from my music library: "It's not the end of everything it's just the end of everything you know ... head vs heart equals bicycle vs a car."

- Bob Schneider, "Bicycle vs Car" from Lovely Creatures

Alex Quote from Friday: "Are you going to turn that down when we get to school? Cause I'm going to open the door, and I have to live with these people 8 hours a day 5 days a week and I don't want them to think I listen to that stuff... It's YOUR music, not mine."

-We were listening to Nirvana when she said this. Can I just add that it breaks my heart a little that she disowns Nirvana which was my all time favorite band when I was her age. At the same time, that she can't identify with Kurt Cobain's lyrics is probably a very good thing.

Insight from my spiritual director: The most complicated role in life I am tackling at the moment is "mother." That the best thing I can do is to pray for my daughter every day. The best best thing is that I reminder her, tell her, show her that I love her every single day - no matter what. The rest is in God's hands.

- I found this to be really powerful and so I just wanted to pass it on even though I realize you might have theological differences.

On a Political Note: What the hell America? Let's just stop, realize that we are human beings and then start over - this time with dignity and understanding.

Labyrinth Walk

Walking from the busy street through the gate to the garden labyrinth on Saturday I was struck with a sense of the sacred. The grey bench outlining the center of the hedge-lined path danced before my eyes.  I breathed easily as my mind suddenly took a back seat. I was in the mist of the Divine surrounded by fellow travelers.

We formed a line beside the labyrinth. Silently reciting a prayer for each person who entered before me, my mind was ever focused on the bench, waiting in the center.

I stepped to the entrance, made the sign of the cross, and wanted nothing more than to jump over the hedges. My first steps along the path were quick and filled with anticipation, but the labyrinth is a path to be walked, not an obstacle to cross. Soon my feet found the rhythm of the journey, pausing to dwell in each turn.

When I arrived in the center I marveled at the space. Far from a small, cramped circle I had entered an oasis. I sat on the bench and almost for the first time, my eyes fell on the tree. The strong old oak had beautiful spreading boughs, as though it was embracing the entire labyrinth.

I closed my eyes and centered in prayer. I did not seek to experience a sudden moment of clarity. I had not come to the labyrinth that day with a particular problem to work out. I sought, and experienced with profound clarity, God’s holy presence.

I carried that sense of presence with me as I left the labyrinth and that ‘holy’ place. I also carried with me a challenge. The next day I saw this challenge perfectly laid out in a line from the comic, Calvin & Hobbes. “We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” I am challenged to enjoy my time on this path towards ministry.

I'm back

I completely enjoyed the season of Advent.

For the first time in what seemed like a life time, I my schedule was open and free. When I was at home I could just be at home. Our house had one rule: No Multitasking. It was fabulous.

Christmas morning when Alex and I stumbled out of bed we opened the smattering of presents under the tree and watched the Disney Parks Commercial Parade. It was fabulous.

Christmas night the dull pain that had been nagging on the right side of my back all day turned into a sharp stabbing pain and I was up all night. In pain and sick. Long story short I ended up in the ER the next morning. Longer story short it turns out, I[probably] have "sticky blood." In other words blood is prone to clotting. Probably. This [probably] explains the odd shooting pains that I have been experiencing over the past several months.

I'm now on blood thinning medication. A shot. Thankfully I have a wonderful friend who is also a nurse. Because while the Hematologist was confident I could inject myself with the "short" needle. He didn't take into account how much I hate needles. Hopefully I he puts me on a pill form of the medicine soon. I don't don't if Nurse Curly Locks can inject me every day for the rest of my life. Needles aside, the medicine has worked. I feel better. I'm not in pain. The clot that was in my kidney is probably gone.  They will follow me closely for the next six months to a year and see if this really is what they think it is. And figure out long term treatment options. Apparently once a person has sticky blood they always have sticky blood. [insert gratuitous call for healthcare reform here].

So today, since I was feeling 100 percent normal again I called my sister, the yuppie lawyer, and demanded she take me to the Museum of Fine Arts Houston to see the incredibly wonderful documentary, Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey. See this movie. Bring a box of tissues. Kevin Clash, the puppeteer who created and portrays Elmo is an amazing human being. Inspiring.

And since today is New Years Eve, I have to add that I am incredibly grateful for all of the people that have walked across my path this year. The opportunities I have been given have been amazing and challenging. I have gained new knowledge and I have gained a better understanding of who it is I am in God. I look forward to continuing my journey, to continuing to learn how to move over so that God can walk this path with me.

First Sunday in Advent

Oh, Holy Mother, Divine Creator of All, we are your children, the sons and daughters of your flesh and your heart. Our very waiting for you in Advent is itself our confession.

We are waiting for you, Emmanuel, to remember your touch and the fragrance of your essence, we long for you; hear our call.

We are waiting for you, Messiah, while the proud are still powerful, the mighty are still exalted, and the hungry stand unheard at the door.

We are still waiting for your son Jesus, your incarnation in human form, because we have not known you in our siste; we have not loved you in our brother; we have not served you in our neighbor.

In this time of great meaning, in the stillness of Advent love and light, enlighten us with your presence. Draw back the veils that we might see, and harken the doors to open, that beauty and ecstasy may live in our homes and hearts more fully.

This is our hour of greatest need. Hear our deepest confession; heal us and make us new through the good tidings of your presence in our lives. Amen.

Note to Self....

Note to Self... if you are posting on a class discussion board on which you are asked to share your reflections on a particular article... don't say things like, "...this is obvious to anyone who has been educated in the 20th century..." or, perhaps worse, "As a member of a post-modern society..."

Because come to find out, what is obvious to me, looking out from my little bubble, isn't so obvious to others who have been educated. And some of the people sitting right next to me, aren't members of a post-modern society.

I think there is something to be said for sticking your foot in your mouth every once in a while. You might find out the world around you is bigger, more diverse than you imagined.

Upon Further Reflextion

Thanks to the encouragement of friends, I took a deep breath and wrote words, sentences and paragraphs inside a notebook this afternoon. One can be that heroic voice shouting out the injustice of quantifying the work of the soul feeling brilliant and unappreciated. Or one can stop putzing around in the shallows. The sheer waste of time — years spent dragging around personal measure of what is worthy of effort and meanwhile nothing is gained. Perhaps the situation is not ideal, but this is still an excuse to push aside distractions and be attentive to God's presence. No ruffles and flourishes of pure intention needed.

Flash Back

So I'm in this class. Is it a class? Its a pass or fail thing and you get one hour of graduate work credit and its called Spiritual Formation. Its odd. Being in a class called Spiritual Formation where participation is required. Every session we are given a different spiritual practice to practice. Every session we have to write a paper about our experience. If we don't complete every assignment or attend every session you fail.

Participation is mandatory. You can actually fail at Spiritual Formation.

I get it. I do. One should not go through seminary without being spiritually formed. Still, how helpful is it to compel a person to journal? Maybe I'm just whining because I'm not in a place in my journey right now where I don't feel like journaling. Its not that I doubt the worth of the practice. I have kept faithful journals in the past. I'm just not there right now. I'm not there and yet, because I don't want to fail I feel almost blackmailed into writing in a notebook. I don't think that's spiritually forming. Or particularly helpful.

It very much feels like my days as an undergraduate at a Baptist university. We were required to have 120 spiritual life points in order to graduate. You could earn points for your soul if you attended Convocation or volunteered your time at an approved religiously affiliated charity. Looking back years later, I don't think those things were particularly helpful or spiritually forming.

But that could just be me.

I Love...

* ... that when I complain to my sister, the yuppie lawyer, about the fact that this whole seminary/candidacy process is kicking my butt - everyday I am asked to jump through a previously unimagined hoop that simultaneously puts my job and sanity at risk - the yuppie lawyer just looks at me and says, "You asked these people to torture you. And you can't complain about spending a weekend with Ministers if you are going to become a Minister."

* ... that Alex's reaction to seeing Chicago the Musical live on stage this weekend was, "That was weird."

* ... that the long tough battle for marriage equality if finally over in New York State. "In New York alone – there are approximately 10,600 same-sex couples raising more than 21,000 kids. Marriage will not only help provide children some measure of legal security, it sends a strong message to them that their families are recognized, validated and valued by society." - Family Equity Council.

* ... that it is so hot here in the swamp I find my self drenched in sweat after two minutes of playing Rumi Cube outside and drinking wine.

* ... that my friend Leigh turned 96 - yes 96! - which gave us all an excuse to play Rumi Cube and drink wine outside in the swamp.