Wean Yuorself

I find myself spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I am going. I opened a book of Rumi's poetry to a random page a short while ago, and this is what I saw.This was a nice coincidence.

Little by little, wean yourself.
This is the gist of what I have to say.

From an embryo, whose nourishment comes in the blood,
move to an infant drinking milk,
to a child on solid food,
to a searcher after wisdom,
to a hunter of more invisible game.

Think how it is to have a conversation with an embryo.
You might say, "The world outside is vast and intricate.
There are wheatfields and mountain passes,
and orchards in bloom.

At night there are millions of galaxies, and in sunlight
the beauty of friends dancing at a wedding."

You ask the embryo why he, or she, stays cooped up
in the dark with eyes closed.

Listen to the answer.

There is no "other world."
I only know what I've experienced.
You must be hallucinating.

Unexpected Magic

photo courtesy of, kc1296426

Tower of Terror,

Walt Disney World

Why on EARTH do you love Disney World of all places? Don't even get started on the Disney Cooperation! That unforgettable shrine to all things capitalistic and horrible. Where every ride dumps into a gift shop with kids begging their parents to BUY BUY BUY! The place is an anti-consumerist's worst nightmare. So why, in the name of all things holy do I love going there? Why do I feel incomplete if I don't know the up to date dish on everything? Why am I constantly planing trips that I can barley afford when I'm cutting down on buying just about everything else?

I'm a daily reader of eviro blogs, but then... in the other corner of the galaxy I'm also a member of this little community called wdwmagic.com. Its a place full of people who love the World (Yes, Disney World is THE World) as much as me. I don't have to defined the illogical to them because they just get it. I have read lost of accounts of "magical moments" and reasons why people can't get enough of The Dream. I have my own reasons for loving the place. Most of them are abstract and indescribable. I'll steal Tom Hanks from Sleepless in Seattle for a moment and say, "It's a million tiny little things and when you add them all up..." Yeah, to me the magic of Disney World is about the million Little things. Yes, the rides are fun. I can't wait until I can jump on TSM. (Oh, sorry Toy Story Mania, it's a new ride). But its not about the rides. Its not about the promotions or merchandise. Its about seeing the look on Alex's face when she saw the castle for the first time. The first time she realized she had enough courage to get on Space Mountain, and then I follow her as we rode it again (4 times in a row). Its about fantasy and living in the moment of childhood dreams. Its about the history of the place. I love eating there. I love just walking around. And you know what? I love the waiting.

Today, a person whose member name is kc1296426 posted the above picture on the boards. Its a digitally manipulated picture of the cue area for the Tower of Terror ride. I love this picture. It is Art. To me it represents the side of Disney that I love. The side that you don't see unless you put down your guide map and look around. If you go to Disney once in your life and you freght about getting from TOT to RnRC before the 3:00 showing of LMA you will miss this. Chances are, most of you will never see Walt Disney World through the eyes that stood in line for a ride and saw this picture.

I reject your relaity and substatute my own

So I was listening to Democracy Now on Friday and guess what? America has allowed 5,000 Iraqis into our country. Great. Sweden has taken 18,000, which, when you consider the size of the place is a lot. A lot more than 5,000. All of those are people who worked for the American or Iraq government in some way, and have had their lives threaten. Oh, and they all have to pay their own way and have people from the state department cut through a lot of red tape! Thank you George W. and all you have done to help spread the wonders of Democracy through out the Arab world! So what have I done? I wrote my congressman and Senators and told them I thought we needed to do something, at least have some sort of something that gives people applying for asylum from Iraq and Afghanistan some sort of priority and assistance. Those guys have been hearing from me a lot lately.


So anyway, Alex.
Alex is in Hawaii with her father for another 2 weeks. As of Saturday she is tired of the place and wants to come home. "Its not that I don't love my dad. I do, and I want to see him, but he's not here all the time and I don't like watching TV that much. Well, I do, but its not Disney Channel." I understand her frustration. Half of me is thinking "HA! I knew you liked me better." The other, more rational half, is trying to be a grown up. I have to keep a strong front and talk up how great Hawaii is. I have to remind her how incredibly dull life is in Texas. I have to quite talking about all the stuff we are going to do when she gets back. No more talk of museums or swimming pools.
Well, I'm not sure how much that matters because as of Monday she is planing her "Welcome back Alex party"

Alex: Mom! I'm glad you called. I need to talk to you about something.
(Alex goes up to her room. I can hear her 3 year old half sister behind her.)
You can't come in my room Lalaith, it's not allowed!
(Door slams)
Okay, now that we are in private I need to talk about my coming back party. I was thinking. We need to make a cake, vanilla, the kind with sprinkles in them. Oh, and vanilla icing. Can we make the icing pink? With sprinkles? How about putting "Welcome Back Alex" on there too. In green. No, blue. And can we go swimming? In a POOL? Because when you swim at the beach you get sand in your hair. Even when you don't play in the sand part! It's disgusting!

Me: I never knew the beaches in Hawaii were disgusting. They look so pretty in the pictures.

(Alex sighs. I can hear her roll her eyes.)
Alex: They don't LOOK disgusting. They look good. Its just that they ARE disgusting.

Today World Refugee day sponsored by UNHCR (I think that stands for United Nations High Commission on Refugees, but don't quote me on that). Anyway I saw an add for it last night as I watched Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. So I checked it out today. I invite you to check it out too. (You can click the picture above, I figured out how to make it a hyperlink).

If you go from there to their maing page you will find a blurb that listed their "Major Operations" the list was: · Iraq · South Sudan· Chad/Darfur· Afghanistan

As an American I can't help but focus on two of those places. Iraq and Afghanistan. Apparently people live in those countries, they aren't just random war zones. They aren't just empty deserts were we can go to "have it out" with "terrorist" so we can avoid fighting them on "our soil." I heard a report not to long ago on Democracy Now that talked about the problem Sudan was having absorbing all the Iraqis and how people were trying to pressure America to accept more that the handful of people we had agreed to take. We did after all invade them. We are the reason these people are refugees. "That sucks." I thought, but as we so easily do I put it out of my mind. And now that I have gone to that cite this morning and read that list I'm ashamed to say I have done more for the people in Darfur, spoken more about the problems in South Sudan that I have done or even thought about the problems in Iraq and Afghanistan. Today I'm going to do something besides just say, "That sucks."

Wife in the North goes Viral

Wife in the North put together a video to help sell her book. Check it out. Her blog is great. Its one I read every week. If her book is half as good as her blog it will be fantastic.

Book Review

Can I just say that I can't believe I finally finished it? John Guy is a great historian and a good writer. He did a lot of research, relying almost solely on original documents in his account of the Mary Stuart's life. He was always clear about what was fact, and what was opinion and/or conjecture. The result is a volume that allows for her life to speak for itself (for the most part.)

I will have to say that I wonder about Guys' conclusion that Mary's misfortune was due to her problems with finding the right man to marry. Yes, she did marry worthless idiots, but that doesn't mean marrying a better man would have solved all of her problems. I'm mean, honestly. If Darnely hadn't been a total idiot Bothwell and Company never would have killed him. Mary never would have married Bothwell. Never would have been painted as a co-conspirator. Never would have fled to England. And she never would have been held as Elizabeth's prisoner. Of course, if Henry II hadn't taken it upon himself to print coins at the wedding of His son and daughter-in-law that said "Francis Delphine and Mary Delphine of France, Queen of Scotland and England." Cecil would have not have had cause to paint her as an emanate threat to Elizabeth's throne.

It is true, however, that she only married hapless dead beats who only married her for the power, but were too stupid to know how to use that power effectively. Yes, Mary had moments of great courage and she often showed she could think on her feet, but in the end I think she bought into the conventional ideas of what it was to be a female queen in those days. She was too worried about how she thought things ought to be. That meant she didn't always look at the way things were. In my estimation, that was her downfall.

Overall it was a good read. Its 500 pages of text, plus prologue and extensive notes and bibliography mean that this is, literally, not a light read. His reliance on documents and quest to cut through the bull-shite that has attached itself to the myth of the Queen's life is abominable. However, that means that he can be really, really detailed at times. Do we really need to know about her dresses? All of them? Like I said, I'm glad I read it. If you want to save yourself the time though, I highly suggest you read the Prologue. It's a great description of her execution.

D-List Brillance!

Kathy Griffin and Anderson "Andy" Cooper posing with random guy

Bravo and I have been great friends for a while now. To be honest I was okay with our separation because while I get into Top Chef and seeing Jackie and her Work Out gang try to out drama each other, they are "musts" for me. The only "must" in my life is Kathy Griffin. Last night was her night.

Her new season got off to a great start. We met her new boe, something I have been looking forward to since I saw her introduce him on the Red Carpet at the Emmey's. He's cool. I love that he's geeky and nerdy and way richer than her so she won't have to worry about him stealing her money. He invented the personal computer in his garage, and the IMac operating system. He's the co-founder at Apple. No not Steve Jobs. The other Steve. Steve Woz. The one whose likeness appears in the form of an animatronic on Space Ship Earth (the ride inside that big ball at Epcot... that's part of Disney World). I'd like to meet that guy some day. I would want to know if he even cares about being part of Disney history. I can go on about this, but I'll spare everyone.
So Kathy did the New Years Eve count down with Anderson Cooper without a delay button. This was huge for her. Can I just say how much I love Anderson. I was a fan before, who else can pull of Prada while reporting from disaster areas? I saw him on Oprah once with his mom and the guy seemed really down to Earth. He was very gracious to Kathy and her crew, even when Jessica came back completely drunk. I love that when Kathy said she was going to call him "Andy" he smiled and say, "Cool, my mom calls me Andy." He seemed like he had fun the whole time and never took himself seriously. I guess hanging out in war zones really puts life in perspective.

The A-List awards followed right after The Life on the D List primer and it was an oh so D-List event. Don't get me wrong. I loved every minute of it. It was smart, funny, and irreverent. Kathy was host and she pulled out all the stops. What other awards show host would poke fun a some of the more out there winners (Tila Tequila) and what other network would let them. It was like a spoof on award shows. I'm pretty sure the nominations and awards where determined by who agreed to show up. And what was with that Laura Hutton award? My favorite moment of the night, (though I loved the Top Chef cook off and the Project Runway All Stars) was when they announced Dena and Ally Lohan as presenters, only to be told by Kathy that they had backed out of the show at 3:00 that day. She then proceeded to dish on them and than did one of the funniest skits of the night with her good pal, former boy band idol, Lance Bass.
The red carpet that proceeded it was kind of off. I have a feeling their "funny guy" was really, really funny but most of it was probably cut. Tim Gunn. I love Tim, but he's just so stiff. He looked like he was reading off of cue cards the whole time and there were A LOT of awkward pauses. Um. Hello editors! Maybe they had to cut out so much silly they had to leave the awkwardness for time reasons.

Anyway, a great time was had by all. The night was a perfect example of what good mindless television should be. I can't wait until next week's D-List, oh and Flipping Out is back on Tuesday! NO ONIONS!

The Big Moment

So it happened. Alex flew on a plan by herself to Hawaii yesterday. Yes, she went halfway around the world all by herself save a handful of airline workers and a couple hundred passengers. I got the call just past 8:00. She was safe, she was happy and she was heading to the beach.

Last night, for the first time in 26 years I came home from work and bible study at 9:00 to an empty house. (Well, except for Gryffindor). I'm a loner by nature. Not a real people person. So it wasn't something I dreaded. I missed Alex. I missed harassing her. But I did enjoy getting to read my book in peace. I enjoyed listening to Ani Difranco in the car, instead of Tween Disney.

It wasn't until this morning, after I came back from walking Gryffin that I really had the "what now?" feeling. I get up early so I can get Alex up and ready to go. I'm a morning person. So after I got dressed, took Gryffin out, did my make up made my lunch. I had 20 minutes of just sitting there... reading. That was when I felt my life had changed. Alex wasn't there to be harassed for not being ready. My parent's weren't blaring Fox News at me. I was left to myself. Quiet. Peace.

Make Your Own Mosaic

Okay, so I saw this on Simple-Green-Frugal's blog. I think its a really inspired idea. So here is mine.

If you want to do one yourself, here are the instructions:

1) Type your answers to each of the questions below into Flickr Search
2)Using only the first page, pick an image
3)Copy and paste each of the URLs into the mosaic maker

Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name.

Here were my answers:

1. Katy; 2. Hummas; 3. Stratford High School; 4. purple; 5. Hugh Laurie; 6. tea; 7. Napal; 8. Dole Whip at Disney World; 9. at peace; 10. Alex; 11. opinion 12. ihaveanartcar

Kung Fu Panda

Alex is leaving tomorrow to see her dad in Hawaii. Last night was my last chance to use her an an excuse to see the movie that I have been anticipating since I saw the first cardboard poster displaying its name. Kung Foo Panda.

Like the genius that is Snakes on a Plane everything that is genius about this movie is said in the title. A pudgy, awkward Panda who collects Kung Fu action figures and dreams of "awesomeness" finds out that what seemed like an impossible dream is really his destiny.

Cue Jack Black. Yes, my friends this movie is a true Jack Black classic right up there with School of Rock, and his performance in High Fidelity. He makes this movie, but not on his own. The animated film makers at Dream Works don't have a great track record with me. (Sorry Shrek fans). I'm a fan of John Lassater and the script writers at Pixar. The thing that most none Pixar movies lack is story. Kung Fu Panda has one. It had great characters who deliver lines that get a laugh out of the kids and adults at the same time. Unlike previous movies where Dream Works has taken to adding inappropriate humor (that doesn't fly over my child's head) and lame pop culture references that will have future generations thinking.. "uh?". I found myself waiting for the credits so I could see who the geniuses where that wrote the screen play. It also had what any good Kung fu movie must. Action sequences. These were awesomely geeky a la Kill Bill. The animation too was a nice blend between CGI animation and backgrounds that payed homage to ancient Chinese art. This movie raised the bar for non Disney Studios. If Dream Works carries this kind of film making into its next projects, John Lassater will need to start watching his back.

If you don't like Jack Black, don't know how to be a kid, and can't stand action movies, don't go see this one. I, on the other hand am counting the days until I can buy the DVD.

Hiccup

Slight hiccups in perfect weekend

*I got a call that they didn't need me to work 8 hours of over time after all. All that extra money gone before I even had a chance to really fantasize about what to do with it. (irritation, not surprisingly 0)
I'm did really want the money and at first I was disappointed. Alex was really disappointed. Her face was priceless. You would have thought I told her we weren't celebrating Christmas anymore. "Why aren't you going to work?" was asked more than once. She got over it though when Anna still came over, even if it wasn't to babysit. I'm starting to get the impression she likes Anna more than me.

*Most sentences now begin with the words "have you seen?"
(Irritation factor 6)
The truth is, all the boxes (save the one with my toys) have been emptied and everything has found a home. I'm shocked to find that I don't have that much crap. I'm also shocked to find how irritating unorganized my daughter is. I know this is my fault. She can't think of a place for anything unless I point to a drawer and say "put this there!" She also can't be bothered to put anything back once its been used.

*The cable guy didn't come.
(irritation factor 9)
We waited at home all day. Between the hours of 8 and 5. The guy was a no show. The company got the apartment number wrong. 5 not 50. They will come again next weekend. Between the hours of 8 and 5. That didn't bother me until I realized that I'm not going to be able to pay by nephews to wait for them. They are both at work camp with church. The one week they decided to do something productive.

*The A's attention span.
(irritation factor 6)
I know its probably my fault, but she never, ever, ever does as she's told the first time of telling. I know we just moved. I know that's disruptive to a small, sensitive child. I know she is about to leave for her father's. But she didn't do it before. Now its worse. Maybe because I don't have TV so I don't have anything distracting me. I think its the Nintendo DS. Summer camp has ruined her. She never played with the thing before. She even lost track of the charger for 4 months meaning she couldn't have played it if she wanted to. Now before I go to work I drop her off in a room that's full of kids who are glued to the screen of the DSs. I tell her to do something, and she looks up, then looks down and just carries on. I swear to God if she keeps up with that thing after she comes home from Hawaii I'm banning from the house.

*My father got a new dog
(irritation factor. irritation doesn't cover it)
I know this dog will be an awesome dog if its trained. I hope that a year from now I will look back at this and laugh. I don't think I will. The irritation isn't so much with the dog as it is with my father. He refuses to train it to do anything because he doesn't want it "spoiled" before he can train it to point bird. (Yes my father hunts and kills birds). That's fine. The dog was breed to point. But for god sakes teach the dog not to bit people. While you are at it house train the thing. Most importantly stop telling mother she shouldn't leave her shoes on the floor. Hitting the dog with a newspaper has to be the most assine thing I have ever seen. Its the only thing my dad does when he decides to pay attention to the dog. It doesn't help. I'm tired of hearing about it from my mom. I'm tired of her having one more thing that makes her life a living hell. I'm tired of the whole thing.

Apartment Love

My new apartment is perfect. Clean white walls and perfect wooden blinds. Perfectly closing cupboards and drawers. A walk-in closet to hide in when the family tries to come around. Soft carpet floors good enough to sleep on. The first weekend I put away, wipe away, tidied away to make it so. This, I thought, this is how I will live. Stylish and clean, glossy even. Everything recycled, all things cleaned with house hold products. A wonderful, intimate second hand sofa; here, I will lie about in my many "me" moments, hold books between crimson manicured fingers and read of historical skulduggery. At the very least, I will do that. This red bench, here I will morn the loss of simple living and swallow down organic tea.

Life happened. Already. That did not take long. Now, a barbie scooter rides my floor. My apartment is perfect. Stuffed animals hog my sofa, "this is their bed mommy!", and my apartment is perfect. Papers clutter the red bench. Chocolate milk is spilled on the white carpet and cleaned up with the white Mickey Mouse towel. "Don't worry mom, I got it!" Clothes still sit in boxes and some toys may never find a home. Paint has pealed off the front door and the shower needs a good scrub. My apartment, my beautiful apartment, is perfect.

Race for the Democratic Nomination

Well, its happened. Obama clinched the Democratic nomination. One word comes to mind: FINALLY. As a stanch, not Republican and without any 3rd party contenders this year (sorry Green Party, you couldn't pay me to vote for Cynthia McKinney), I have been paying close attention to the Democratic slugfest primary. I had been seeing the rumblings of Obama supporters breaking out the champagne at the rumors that Hilary was going to bow out last night. A big part of me wanted to believe it. I did, however believe that Obama would declare victory after I saw the AP report that their numbers show he has clinched the nomination. (On a side note, the very fact that we have to say... "the AP numbers say" and "the NBC numbers say" is just a testament to how messed up the Democratic Party's system is.) On a night like last night I can't even believe I'm with out a TV! I missed one of the most pivotal nights in this whole election. Instead, I was forced to read the transcripts this morning.

Where to begin? First off, Hillary Clinton is truly insane. I seriously mean she is genuinely, certifiably, batshit crazy. I can't believe she didn't concede. "I will be making no decisions tonight." That was a WAIT WHAT moment if I ever read one. There is no decision to make, what part of that do you not understand! At a time like this, I honestly have no words to describe how retarded she is making herself look, so I shall quote Willy Wonka, maker of chocolate candies: "It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!"

I want to like Hillary Clinton, I really do. For one, it would piss my dad off to no end. For another I do believe that there is a certain amount of sexism that has gone on in this campaign, not to mention that whole, "Let's not dwell on race ... You're all racist" thing Barak Obama has fallen into more than once. Despite the fact that I firmly believe that sexism trumps racism every time, and to a certain extent I think some people's love fest they had going on with Barak (yes you Keith Oberman and MSNBC) dealt her a raw deal, at some point one must look at the cards that they were dealt and deal with them. She's not dealing. She's is suffering from a severe case of situational dysmorphia. I'm not sure that I want someone that irrational answering the proverbial 3 am phone call. What amazes me is her supporters are suffering from the same condition. A very good friend of mine (we'll call her B) loves Clinton. She voted for her in the primary and went to the caucus. As I ate lunch with her the other day she actually said, "The media coverage has been so skued." (So far I agree) "One thing comes out about him and its a blurb on the news and then they drop it. Something comes out on her and they just run with it forever." Are you kidding me???? I heard this same line last week from a group that has vowed to vote for Clinton no matter what. Are these people seriously forgetting Rev. Wright? How about his ties to the Underground Weatherman terrorist Robert Ails? How many controversial figures in Clinton's life can I name right off the cuff? None. I know they are out there. I have heard Obama supporters throw out their names on numerous occasions, but I don't remember who they are or what they did exactly. Bill O'Riley has not done nightly segments about them, MSNBC has not done hour long specials explaining who they are, and she has not had to make any special speeches to explain them. Has she said some stupid things she had to apologize for? Yes. But so has Barak.

Speaking of Barak, something I like about the man is his take on politics. He doesn't engage in personal attacks. He doesn't go digging through his opponents past to drag things out that, at the end of the day mean nothing. Show me a perfect person and I will be completely weirded out by them. However, I don't think that necessarily means he'll be a great president. I'm not saying that he won't be, but I'm also not in the "Believe", "Yes We CAN"crowd. I know that Abraham Lincoln was also an inexperienced Senator from Illinois when he was elected, but that doesn't make Obama the next Lincoln. I don't know what that makes him actually. In the words of Spaceballs nemesis Dark Helmet: "I was your father's, uncle's, cousin's roommate in collage" ... "[that makes us] absolutely nothing." I don't know what he really is or what he will really do when he gets into office, and in today's world that isn't comforting or inspiring to me.

Where does that leave me? Holding my nose and voting Democratic come November.