The grey morning after a sunny day is a mood not often expressed.
It’s like waking up with a hangover, or suddenly recalled guilt. Momentum lost. A car stopped. Nothing, where something was. The grey Houston sidewalks can be a dispiriting sight and aptly signals the end of the Summer holiday.
I didn't think the start of school would make a big difference to us. Yes, there was the new teacher, classmates, backpack, supplies, all those forms and a different drop off point. But the difference is bigger than that.
Things have slowed down. I've stopped running. Last week work was hell. This week I've checked out. The days are still and limpid. I leave work a few minutes before 5:00 and catch the early bus home. The sun is fading faster. Our nights are spent eating dinner at the table, taking Gryffindor on walks, playing board games while political speeches droll on in the background. Its amazing how the rhythm of life flows through all things. This is too perfect. I know this isn't going to last.
Last night I sat with Alex as she filled out a "get to know you" work sheet she brought home from school.
Name. Alex
Do you have pets? What kind? None. My mom has a dog named Gryffindor.
What subject do you like least? Social Studies.
What subject do you like most? Math
What is your favorite thing to do outside of school? TV
Thursday, August 28
Wednesday, August 27
Non Consumer Confesstional #3
So I didn't confess last week....
I have been slamed at work. And thanks to one VERY self-absorbed lawyer who can't seem to head out of his ass it was not only busy, but stressful. I hardly ever get stressed at work. I'm the one who doesn't take things personally. Well, not this week. And while I still don't take it personally, I was personally drawn into the drama.
So all that to excuess the fact that I ate out last week. A lot. I won't go day by day, it will be too depressing, but...
I bought lunch 5 times. I bought dinner 6 times.
I used my target gift card to get containors for my recycling. (Previously I had just been using old boxes, but my recycling was startign to look like a trash heep so I decided to clean it up).
I also used the gift card to get an easy listening jazz CD. Because I need something suthing to listen to while I read and siped some wine after the week I had.
Then Sunday, my mom convenced me to go with my sister to Spring. It's an old town filled with shopes that are filled with antiques and a small variouity of other usless objucts. I did, however find two metal signs. They were half off. I didn't want to buy them. I had to.
Then Monday came. We didn't have any food (we went to the store Monday night). I wrote a $20 check for Alex to have money in her lunch account this year.
So that is it.
As a pre-convesstional,
I am about to pay for Alex to get her:
school shirt,
directory,
sticker,
yearbook and
kooze.
I will also pay her...
$15 school chior dues,
$10 class fund,
and my $5 PTA dues.
And while I am checking the bottom of my purse for coins, I will also pay to reserve the town car that is going to pick us up from the airport next month when we go to DISNEY WORLD!!!!
I'm glad this month is over.
I have been slamed at work. And thanks to one VERY self-absorbed lawyer who can't seem to head out of his ass it was not only busy, but stressful. I hardly ever get stressed at work. I'm the one who doesn't take things personally. Well, not this week. And while I still don't take it personally, I was personally drawn into the drama.
So all that to excuess the fact that I ate out last week. A lot. I won't go day by day, it will be too depressing, but...
I bought lunch 5 times. I bought dinner 6 times.
I used my target gift card to get containors for my recycling. (Previously I had just been using old boxes, but my recycling was startign to look like a trash heep so I decided to clean it up).
I also used the gift card to get an easy listening jazz CD. Because I need something suthing to listen to while I read and siped some wine after the week I had.
Then Sunday, my mom convenced me to go with my sister to Spring. It's an old town filled with shopes that are filled with antiques and a small variouity of other usless objucts. I did, however find two metal signs. They were half off. I didn't want to buy them. I had to.
Then Monday came. We didn't have any food (we went to the store Monday night). I wrote a $20 check for Alex to have money in her lunch account this year.
So that is it.
As a pre-convesstional,
I am about to pay for Alex to get her:
school shirt,
directory,
sticker,
yearbook and
kooze.
I will also pay her...
$15 school chior dues,
$10 class fund,
and my $5 PTA dues.
And while I am checking the bottom of my purse for coins, I will also pay to reserve the town car that is going to pick us up from the airport next month when we go to DISNEY WORLD!!!!
I'm glad this month is over.
Thursday, August 21
art not Art
"How was your last day at CAP Alex? How was splash day?"
"Great! We did shaving cream."
"That's always fun."
"Guess what Dylan did?"
I couldn't guess what it was Dylan had done. Dylan the tall stocky boy. Dylan the boy going into fourth grade who looks like he just finished fifth. That Dylan. Every football coach's dream. Except I can't see Dylan ever playing football. He's a real boyish boy. But he also helps the girls get the games that are kept on unreachable shelves. Then he sits and plays it with them. Really, I'm stumped.
"What did Dylan do?"
"He dropped his hot dog."
I hope you didn't laugh at him....
"It was really cool. He had ketchup and mustard on it. When it dropped the colors splattered everywhere. Like a painting. I never thought of him as an artist before. It was awesome. To bad you couldn't frame it. Or eat it."
I'm speechless, but manage a dumb...
"Yeah you wouldn't want to eat it."
"Because you don't eat art."
"Great! We did shaving cream."
"That's always fun."
"Guess what Dylan did?"
I couldn't guess what it was Dylan had done. Dylan the tall stocky boy. Dylan the boy going into fourth grade who looks like he just finished fifth. That Dylan. Every football coach's dream. Except I can't see Dylan ever playing football. He's a real boyish boy. But he also helps the girls get the games that are kept on unreachable shelves. Then he sits and plays it with them. Really, I'm stumped.
"What did Dylan do?"
"He dropped his hot dog."
I hope you didn't laugh at him....
"It was really cool. He had ketchup and mustard on it. When it dropped the colors splattered everywhere. Like a painting. I never thought of him as an artist before. It was awesome. To bad you couldn't frame it. Or eat it."
I'm speechless, but manage a dumb...
"Yeah you wouldn't want to eat it."
"Because you don't eat art."
Wednesday, August 13
Frog and Toad Go for a Swim
A frog followed us home. I watch in the pool as they hop dangerously close, contemplating the clear blue pond. Then they are gone. I wonder why they were here, where they are going. I remember the dead frog we saw as we swam a few weeks ago. I wonder if they have heard. If they came to morn a lost friend. Or maybe to just to see the sight for themselves. Perhaps, tucked away in their home in the bushes, they didn't quiet believe a deadly pond lurked just a few feet away.
My daughter slams into me and hugs my neck, her face pressed sideways and legs wrapped around my back. I try to enjoy these moments. I know you must. But still time leaches through me. As I hug her in return I can feel it escaping between my arms.
I have a new feeling now, in the pool. I stand watching my daughter as she jumps in deep end and swims to the side, remembering the early fear, the clutching at the handrail, the worried looks. Then I would loiter nearby, ready to grab hold at all times, now I hardly need to pay attention.
My daughter sees me looking sideways and follows my gaze.“Can those frogs swim mommy?”Her questions have become more tricky. She throws queries out and expects a neatly packaged response. It takes more knowledge than I have to do it properly. People write books on these sorts of things. I tell her something about frogs and toads. “Oh.” she says, seriously. Then her little lop-sided smile returns. “Pretend I’m a dolphin, mommy.”
I pretend and she whirls around the pool in her dolphin world. A little girl about eighteen months old stands on the steps watching her in fascination, the way my daughter used to look at the older girls. My daughter glides by her, stops, smiles and moves on. When we leave the pool I say to her “Remember when you were that little? How you used to wear those floaties?" "Hmm” she says. “Can I have some ice cream?”
My daughter slams into me and hugs my neck, her face pressed sideways and legs wrapped around my back. I try to enjoy these moments. I know you must. But still time leaches through me. As I hug her in return I can feel it escaping between my arms.
I have a new feeling now, in the pool. I stand watching my daughter as she jumps in deep end and swims to the side, remembering the early fear, the clutching at the handrail, the worried looks. Then I would loiter nearby, ready to grab hold at all times, now I hardly need to pay attention.
My daughter sees me looking sideways and follows my gaze.“Can those frogs swim mommy?”Her questions have become more tricky. She throws queries out and expects a neatly packaged response. It takes more knowledge than I have to do it properly. People write books on these sorts of things. I tell her something about frogs and toads. “Oh.” she says, seriously. Then her little lop-sided smile returns. “Pretend I’m a dolphin, mommy.”
I pretend and she whirls around the pool in her dolphin world. A little girl about eighteen months old stands on the steps watching her in fascination, the way my daughter used to look at the older girls. My daughter glides by her, stops, smiles and moves on. When we leave the pool I say to her “Remember when you were that little? How you used to wear those floaties?" "Hmm” she says. “Can I have some ice cream?”
Monday, August 11
Buy NOTHING Confesstional Week 2
I think I might have mad a D.
I'm not doing great... not horrible either though.
August 6
We went to Bible Study so I donated money towards the food we ate, but it was all homemade salad stuff. Oh, and then Alex and I got Ice Cream on our way home.
August 7
NOTHING!
August 8
My brain was fried from work. My last good work friend came and told me he was quiting on Monday. I left with a huge project hanging over my head. I caved. Alex and I bought dinner at the mall. BUT that's all we got at the Mall.
August 9
It was my Aunt's birthday and my mom was taking her out to lunch. I hardly ever get to see her. They were eating at this really cute tea room. So I went. I didn't buy the meal though, my mom did. Does that not count against me?
August 10
My whole family went to lunch at this great Greek Restaurant. My sister works for the Company that owns it so she paid for a lot of it. I did chip in though so that's a strike against me. Also, I volunteered at a Farmer's market. I bought soap because I need something that lathers for when I shave my legs (since Alex used my expensive Dr. Bronner's Shaving gel as bubble bath), and I bought a hand made bib and burp cloth for my cousin for when she has her baby shower.
August 11
Do to being an idiot and not setting my alarm right, I woke up late this morning. Then I set the microwave wrong and fried Alex's lunch (spaghetti O's) so I had to heat up the soup I was going to take for me and give it to her. Since we didn't get to go to the store this weekend and was running late, I am going to have to buy lunch (with a gift card). Tonight I will buy real food, I promise.
I'm not doing great... not horrible either though.
August 6
We went to Bible Study so I donated money towards the food we ate, but it was all homemade salad stuff. Oh, and then Alex and I got Ice Cream on our way home.
August 7
NOTHING!
August 8
My brain was fried from work. My last good work friend came and told me he was quiting on Monday. I left with a huge project hanging over my head. I caved. Alex and I bought dinner at the mall. BUT that's all we got at the Mall.
August 9
It was my Aunt's birthday and my mom was taking her out to lunch. I hardly ever get to see her. They were eating at this really cute tea room. So I went. I didn't buy the meal though, my mom did. Does that not count against me?
August 10
My whole family went to lunch at this great Greek Restaurant. My sister works for the Company that owns it so she paid for a lot of it. I did chip in though so that's a strike against me. Also, I volunteered at a Farmer's market. I bought soap because I need something that lathers for when I shave my legs (since Alex used my expensive Dr. Bronner's Shaving gel as bubble bath), and I bought a hand made bib and burp cloth for my cousin for when she has her baby shower.
August 11
Do to being an idiot and not setting my alarm right, I woke up late this morning. Then I set the microwave wrong and fried Alex's lunch (spaghetti O's) so I had to heat up the soup I was going to take for me and give it to her. Since we didn't get to go to the store this weekend and was running late, I am going to have to buy lunch (with a gift card). Tonight I will buy real food, I promise.
Wednesday, August 6
Buy NOTHING Confesstional week 1
I flunked.
How did I do for the first 5 days of August? Horrible.
Let's see.
August 1
I bought some groceries which don't count, but then I let my sister talk me into eating the pizza she picked up on the way over.
August 2
My house warming. It was really a lot of fun and I loved seeing everyone who came. I also loved all the food my friends made/brought so I didn't buy anything that day.
August 3
This is a little more dicey. I didn't buy the food, but my sister did (no, not the pizza one, the other one, the Sonic one).
August 4
I don't know if was the threat of death brought on by approaching tropical storm Eduardo or what, but I bought a lot that day.
How did I do for the first 5 days of August? Horrible.
Let's see.
August 1
I bought some groceries which don't count, but then I let my sister talk me into eating the pizza she picked up on the way over.
August 2
My house warming. It was really a lot of fun and I loved seeing everyone who came. I also loved all the food my friends made/brought so I didn't buy anything that day.
August 3
This is a little more dicey. I didn't buy the food, but my sister did (no, not the pizza one, the other one, the Sonic one).
August 4
I don't know if was the threat of death brought on by approaching tropical storm Eduardo or what, but I bought a lot that day.
- Thank you notes for the party (I don't know that I count those because the proceeds go to cancer research)
- A parking space at the medical center (that might not count since it was a medical thing)
- lunch - in order to kill time and avoid going into work I stopped and ate lunch. I ate it there, I didn't use any throw away things, still I ate out.
- I took Alex to Build-a-Bear. She made a bear she doesn't need and we got it pajama's and an outfit it doesn't need. I know. She keeps asking and I just wanted to do something fun since I hate my job so much right now.
- We ate in the food court. I know. I ate out twice in one day for no reason.
- We went to the movie and saw Wall-E. That movie rocks! I immediately felt bad about everything I had just done.
August 5
That was a good day for me. I guess it was because of the tropical storm that hit. (Or didn't). I did drive into work because I didn't want risk being stranded downtown. Other than that the only thing I bought was milk.
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